The Holidays and Seasonal Sadness

~ by Richard Sgaglio

The holiday season usually offers many opportunities to spend quality time with family and friends. However, with the current COVID-19 public health crisis, it has become difficult (and in some cases impossible) to be with loved ones over the holidays. Although the holidays can often be a time of great joy, even under normal circumstances, people can still feel blue. This year it is even more probable.  

According to USNews, the holiday season can intensify feelings of sadness which some older adults experience for a variety of reasons. Most often it is not the holiday itself that causes these types of emotions; rather, it’s the fact that the holidays tend to bring back memories of earlier times.

During the holidays, older adults can focus on the passing of time, as well as the absence of spouses, parents, siblings, and friends who have passed away, and the distance of loved ones who have moved away. Traditional get togethers that were observed in the past may not be possible, and in their absence, the holidays may seem empty and without meaning.

Holiday blues are usually temporary and mild, but depression is more serious and can linger unless you get help. Signs of depression include:

• Overall sadness
• Loss of interest
• Changes in eating habits
• Crying
• Being restless
• Feeling helpless
• Reduced energy
• Difficulty falling asleep
• Sleeping too much

According to Noelle Elia, LCSW, a licensed clinical social worker from Larchmont, NY, “Not seeing our families at the upcoming holidays is a most challenging reality of the current pandemic. Best to align our expectations with that reality and anticipate normal feelings of grief, a testament to the depth of our attachment to our loved ones.”

Helping someone through seasonal or holiday depression can be a tricky thing – especially if you cannot physically be with them -- but there are ways to support them and help them cope through the holidays.

Here are a few suggestions to consider

1. If circumstances allow, spending quality time with your loved one is important. If you cannot visit in person, consider using FaceTime, Skype, Zoom, or other technology to virtually visit face-to-face. These sessions should revolve about fun things you can talk about or to help continue family traditions such as cooking, baking, music, or crafting.
2. Making a plan to call at a certain time each day or week, gives the person a sense of structure and provides them with something to look forward to.
3. If you are able to spend time with an aging loved one, plan activities that are appropriate for their mobility level. Older adults with physical limitations can be included in kitchen activities by asking them to do a simple task, such as peeling vegetables, folding napkins, or arranging flowers. With assistance, they can wrap presents, help create shopping lists, and write holiday cards.
4. Create new traditions in which they are easily able to participate, such as taking a drive to look at holiday decorations and lights. This can be a fun and easy excursion.
5. If you cannot visit in person and are calling your loved one, do not forget to listen. It is common for callers to end up doing most of the talking. This is one of the most generous gifts you can offer an older person. Listening helps individuals feel appreciated, valued, and loved.

These suggestions can help make loved ones feel less isolated, as well as help reduce their stress and anxiety

How can you help yourself if you are feeling the holiday blues?

 “Mental health self-care during the pandemic is key. Two behaviors have been shown to have a significant effect on mood: The Power of Gratitude and Acts of Altruism. They both help to keep us grounded in our own integrity and our most cherished values. So, considering what we do have that’s good, and passing that on to someone else in any way we can, are simple yet profound ways to remain contented within the upheaval of normal family holiday traditions, adds Ms. Elia.

It is helpful for us to think about all we are grateful for at the holidays and how we can help others. You can call a neighbor or old friends you have not spoken with in some time. Also, think about what comes next – the future. The pandemic has dragged on for a long time, but have faith it will be coming to an end and you will be able to resume your once normal activities and socialization. The future is bright if we allow ourselves to believe.

In the meantime, get out of the house!  Take a brisk walk in the morning before you begin the day, or in the evening to wind down. Call a local not-for-profit organization. Many have set up telephone trees to call others who are alone during COVID and may enjoy a friendly hello from time to time.

Accept your feelings! We all experience sadness differently and you can have feelings of loss during the holidays, especially this year which has been hard and unlike any in recent memory. Be kind to yourself, seek support, and even laugh at yourself every now and then.

Don’t underestimate the power of connecting with friends, family, and neighbors in a socially distant way or on the phone or virtually through technology. Let others know what you are experiencing. It can help you understand why you feel the way you do. Making a simple phone call or writing a nice e-mail, greeting card, or letter can brighten your mood.

The holidays are a great time of the year to celebrate, but not everyone sees them as happy. Sometimes people reflect on the old days and focus on people they have lost, especially when we cannot be with loved ones. These thoughts can make you feel sad rather than joyous. If you see a friend or relative that is a little blue this holiday season, please reach out to them. It may make you both feel a little better.

 The information in the above article is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition.